Oh you could just feel the tension, the ugliness of the end taking control. We’re on our way to the beach, for the last time in a long time. It’s goodbye day.” So keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground…” The beautiful memories accommodating themselves in their keepsake state of solidness in the back of my mind. “Wasted words on lower cases and capitals” Think about the ups and the lows, and it’s like they don’t exist. It’s the feeling of having some one else’s memories in me.
We arrive, its 5:48 pm. Sunset is just starting, the sun has turned from bright yellow to neon orange. “I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am fine….” Complete satisfaction is hitting us now. The waves breaking at our feet, our hearts feel like they’re one as they start beating at the same rhythm. Our bodies so still, our minds shattered, our spirits waiting for the new beginning.
“Look at the red red changes in the sky…” Our memories suddenly go into playback, and without saying a word we all go back to the week that changed our lives. Although they’re only key moments, they’re filled of truth, excitement, adventure, wild guessing. A steady, fascinating rhythm… “It took a moment before I lost myself in here….”
10:30 am. What a glorious day! I throw the sheets in the air, kick my legs a little, get up, open the windows, pop in the shower “cold you’re so cold you’re so cold you’re so COLD” Brush my teeth “ Nobody can see me everything is too easy standing in the light field standing in the light field” Put on my coolest tee, jeans, sneakers, and I’m out! I pass by Jake’s house, and Tristin’s there, they’re both still in their boxers playing video games. We call up, wait that sounds like too many people, I call up James and Danni, James is on his way, Danni is still sleeping.
“ So why don’t you two hit the showers, but save the naughty shower techniques for when you’re alone, wouldn’t want to ruin your privacy!” Tristin and Jake stare at me like they’re about to kill me! I start running towards the kitchen, but they catch up and tickle me to death. We were moving so much fun we knocked the coke on the floor and Jake ended up falling in it, of course he made every effort to take us down with him, but wasn’t lucky enough to succeed. So while he went up to take a shower me and Tristin cleaned up the mess and James arrived only to make fun of us.
After about and hour (Tristin and Jake are so girly, they take longer than me to get ready!), we went out for lunch. We stopped at subway and the dumbest thing happened on our way there. I was walking backwards and when I turned around i hit a trash can and almost fell in. Everybody was laughing so hard, they almost pied in their pants. Obviously I didn’t hear any “are you okay”, but more “you’re so dumb” and “way to go Alex!” Don’t you just love having friends like that?!
Afterwards we headed to Danni’s house to see if she was awake. Thankfully she wasn’t, and fortunate for us her room window has easy access because it’s on the 1st floor of the side of the house; also her bed is right under the window. So we “silently” took the hose, opened the windows and “sprayed” water on Danni. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard! She was so mad, that she tried to jump out the window to hit us but ended tripping and falling on her face in the grass. I tried to help her but as I got close the boys finished getting Danni wet and of course I was part of their little joke!! We got up and started chasing them all over Danni’s yard, and ended thrown in the pool. But of course my super strength caught Tristin’s arm, and his caught James so we all endend in the pool because James pushed Danni in, slipped and fell in with her. Danni’s mom ran out and started screaming at us for making so much noise, but then handed us some towels…
The water felt so warm and embracing. I looked around and we were all smiling. Deep inside we were cracking up hysterically but the silence was so thick and peaceful, it just couldn’t be broken. “before this night will ever rise again…” We were looking now at the immensity of the sky, how the colors just fused together into something so beautiful and powerful. The wind just starts whispering into your ear, and you feel the beating of your heart start to increase at a steady rhythm, electricity running through your body, your spirit moving to this rhythm and then suddenly…stop. Like your soul just found a new shape, a new form to mould into inside of you. Like it cleansed itself with the intensity of the permutation of the air, stars, water, movement. Our memories go on overdrive again.
Pouring rain, thunder storm, lightning, just perfect to sit down and watch… “ding dong”. Of course something always interrupting my quite time. It’s Tristin, he’s soaked so I let him in.
- What are you doing here, I thought you had plans with mrs.preppy cheerleader?
- Yeah well she sort of didn’t show up and I really dint want to go home…
- So you came here because…??
- Jake and James aren’t home
- Yeah they are, Jake had to stay home today to take care of his brothers and James is over there helping him out.
The phone rings and interrupts the tension. I answer and they hang up. We go downstairs to the basement to dry his clothes. Seeing him in boxers makes me bitter.
- You know why I am here Alex
- No I don’t. You’re an ass. I’m always your second choice. So fuck you!!
The noise from the dryer sounds hilarious next to the cold silence. He kisses me. My heart stops. I’m melting. Our hands go everywhere. I feel a slight shiver as my shirt hits the ground. No.
- What are you doing? Let go
- Stop running from it. You know you want to
- What the fuck to do you know? “lovers hold hands to numb the pain”
- I know there’s something. “ Says I’m a bad man, she’s locking me out”
I go for it. His face feels warm. His body is trembling now. Passion running through our veins. He pulls me away.
- Oh so now you want it? Well screw this.
He goes and turns on the t.v. I hate when he does that. His pride kicks in every time. “It’s cuz of these things, its cuz of these things”. His cell phone rings, and his voice goes on automatic sweetness. Its her, I know it, he’s smiling, almost giggling. He’s so stupid!!
“ Yeah the rain can do that sometimes. Uhm I’m a little busy right now, I’ll call you back later. Yeah I promise, bye.”
The exact words that get on my nerves. “You almost always pick the best times to drop the worse lines, you almost made me cry again this time”
- You’re clothes are done, and the door is on your way up.
- I’m not leaving.
- Yes you are. After that conversation with your cell phone, you’re leaving.
- You don’t even know who that was.
- I could guess, and “the rain” isn’t an excuse to stand someone up.
He starts putting his clothes back on, “ and if you want me back you’re going to have ask nicer than that” I feel tears start building up in my eyes. Why won’t he stay? The door shuts with a very loud thud. I couldn’t help it. I just crumbled up. It hurts too much this time. I felt someone’s hand pick my neck up and clean my tears. His gaze was so strong I couldn’t help it.
- I thought you left.
- I told you I wasn’t leaving. I went to get this
It was part of a letter I had written him. “I buried myself alive on the inside
so I could shut you out and let you go away for a long time”
- Alex I need you.
- But you don’t love me
- Yes I do. I’m here aren’t I?
In fact he was here. But all the crap, all the lies, all the times he’s left me out in the cold. It was useless. His hands were so soft. We were alone. It was one feeling in two bodies. “Put your arms around me what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful”. Suddenly the couch didn’t feel so lonely. His kisses so tender, like whispering love into in my body; like something bound to happen. It felt like it’s supposed to feel. “It was a beautiful day” His smile in my eyes, the covers getting us warmer than our own body heat. I felt myself drift inside him….
- So Tristin what does it feel to lose your virginity on a coach?
Jake walks in, and me and Tristin went into “speechless/ shock” mode.
- Jake GET OUT!!!!
- All right all right!! I’ll pick you guys up in an hour for the party.
- Oh shit! That’s right. Pool Party at Danni’s!!!
- Yeah Alex, good of you to remember, although I bet its hard to think when you have something so small in you and you’re wondering what it is.
- Shut Up jake! Now get out! Ill drive alex there, now GOOD BYE!!
Danni’s backyard looked great. There were color lights all around the wooden fence, and “tiki” posts that looked cool because the fire reflected itself in the pool. Danni almost killed me when I showed up at 8pm because I was supposed to help her. But when I told her why I didn’t show up, she almost cried. The music was setting the mood perfectly. It was a mixture of pure ecstasy in the air and vibrating energy. A little chemicals in our bodies, and we were set. Of course all parties with electronic music, excess of “happiness in a bottle and in a bag” tend to get out of hand. There’s no recollection of what happened that night, until about 3 am, when only the five of us were left. We slowly recovered consciousness and suddenly table dancing, excessive screaming, 3 rounds of jelly shots, strip poker in the corner, a fight that ended in the lake, “pool drinks” and a broken window came to mind. We didn’t really feel like dealing wit everything, so we went outside had a couple more drinks to ease the headache and just talked about what lay ahead for all of us. This was it for all of us. Danni and James were moving in together and working for a year before starting college. I was on my way to mayor in graphic design and Tristin was coming along as an Illustrator. Jake was the luckiest one. He was going backpacking through Europe for 6 months and then heading to London to major in law. Between stupid jokes and sarcastic comments, Jake made sure to let them know about what he saw in my basement before the party. I started chasing him down the street and the rest of the gang just followed. Singing “‘EVERBODY WAKE UP EVERBODY WAKE UP ITS TIME TO GET DOWN” at the top of our lungs, and laughing so hard we could barely breathe. We made it to the neighbourhood park, and took off our shoes to feel the cool sand in between our feet, I felt Jake hugging me and my feet lifting the ground while we spun in circles and fell on the sand. Group pile! Everybody was on top of us. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much sand in my hair. We sat on the swings to watch the sunset. “I’m going to stay 18 forever (cut me open), so we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)” There’s this stunning feeling when you see a sunset. It’s like time stops, and your mind goes blank. It’s the best feeling in the world, feeling the chills rise in your back, seeing the beginning of a new day. “ And we’ll never have to listen to anyone about anything cause it’s all been done and it’s all been said…We’re the coolest kids and we take what we can get(wait forever)”
